Herman Cain claims he, Nancy Pelosi only had 'consensual harassment'

  Presidential hopeful Herman Cain remains in the headlines as more women come forward accusing Cain of sexual harassment. The newest complaint has come from none other than House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.).

According to Pelosi the unwanted advances began back in 2007 when she was Speaker of the House.

"It seemed that everywhere I went Herman was there. Facing slightly to his left, looking over his shoulder and giving me this creepy smile," Pelosi said.

When his looks couldn't seal the deal for Cain he began trying other methods.

"I was using the women's restroom adjacent to the main House floor when I heard someone come in, shout 'HEY PRINCESS!' and then start singing," Pelosi said. "It was Cain again. The words still haunt me to this day."

Pelosi alleges that Cain sang a different version of his famous song "Imagine There's No Pizza" while she sat shaking on the toilet.

From what she can remember, the lyrics were a grotesque parody of John Lennon's "Imagine" that went something like this:

Imagine there's no Pelosi
I couldn't if I tried
I'd miss eating her taco
I bet it tastes Kentucky fried.

Allegedly Cain performed the bathroom song with three paid female backup singers he found on the street while he donned a white preacher's robe.

 

After the disturbing event locks were installed on all women's restrooms and keys were assigned to all female members of Congress. Cain denies any wrongdoing or involvement in the incident.

 

"Sure when she was Speaker of the House I invited her to 'speak dirty' in my house, but that was just an inside joke that we shared," Cain said.

Pelosi claims that while she was Congress Minority Leader Cain welcomed her to 'congress with his salami pizza' while he attempted to push her head toward his crotch in hopes of oral satisfaction.

Other suggestive conversations included Cain repeatedly using lewd phrases like 'Princess, when am I gonna get some of that anchovy pizza?'

In his defense Cain said that her 'spooky non-blinking stare-off' was a clear sign of passion. Cain said that if anyone can be accused of anything it is 'consensual harassment'.   "She would gaze into my eyes while I slowly turned sideways and smiled at her," Cain said. "I thought I looked so good that the bitch couldn't blink. Turns out she always has that dazed and glazed-over look in her eyes." Pelosi said that Cain would repeatedly call her and send letters offering her free pizza for sexual favors. "One time he showed up at the front door of my house," Pelosi said. "He was wearing a fedora and suggested throwing a pizza on my butt and and then trying to do me through it. while shouting 'Who's your godfather' repeatedly." No charges have been filed by either party as of today.